About four years ago, I found myself wondering if there was something more to life than the mundane hamster wheel I was stuck in. Don’t get me wrong, I had it pretty good. I was successful by all observation. I had an active social life, a roof over my head. I was in good shape and good health. Yet, it felt like something was missing…and all of my peers seemed utterly unaware (which made me question the feeling even more; shouldn’t I just be satisfied?). I wasn’t depressed, yet I wasn’t entirely happy.
Around this time, I started being drawn to older, wiser mentors. Once a week, I’d sneak away to sit in a Reiki circle with my massage therapist who’d insisted I join. He knowingly sat with me after sessions to talk and recommended I read Dr. Wayne Dyer’s The Power of Intention. He said the book had changed his life. It took me months to digest the book as all of the concepts it taught were new to me, a small-town girl from the Midwest (I’ve since re-read it many times).
I visited a shaman and learned about animal totems and spirit guides and crystals and the Archangels. To be honest, I had no idea what most of it meant, but I was fascinated by these individuals who chose to do life differently. Even though I didn’t know if I fully embraced everything they believed in, whatever they were doing was working. They seemed to approach their day with a sense of ease, as though little could bother them.
I started watching Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday where I was turned on to my teacher Gabrielle Bernstein. I read her book, Spirit Junkie, and wondered if I too might come to live a spiritual life where miracles were readily available to me.
All the while, I clung tightly to the lifestyle society had told me was normal. I busted my ass for a job that (while I have so much appreciation for), was no longer where I needed to be. Come Friday night, I prepared myself for the social scene where I’d be stuck on a never-ending cycle of drink/detox/drink/detox. I spent my weekends feeling sulky, unmotivated, and heavy. More and more often, I started to wonder, “Is this all life is?”
I continued to attempt spiritual connection through lessons by Marianne Williamson. I purchased a massive metaphysical text called A Course in Miracles, which may as well have been written in Chinese…I dredged through the pages, but my brain was not computing the words. In short, I was called to a new, more spiritual, way of living, but my mind simply couldn’t compute the information (even though I sensed it was profound).
Finally, I felt a strong internal voice say, “Amanda, you deserve to live a life beyond your wildest dreams and you need to stop drinking to get there.” It was a massive blow to the gut. Surely the voice was wrong. Perhaps I just needed to cut back? Although I wasn’t an alcoholic (don’t worry, I took the quiz, just to be sure), I’d used alcohol to both craft my social persona and build a wall to protect me from a litany of insecurities I was in utter denial of.
Yet, the call was so strong: There is something more, you must quit drinking to find it. I decided to give it a try.
Now, if you would have asked me at first, I’d have said I gave up drinking because I no longer liked the way it made me feel, which was true. But, as I look back now, I am absolutely clear that I was also on the midst of a massive spiritual awakening and all of the intense physical hangovers, the mental anxiety, and the curiosity about sobriety were all cues sent to me by my inner guide who knew — without question — that alcohol was blocking me from my connection to The Universe (whoa, I know that might be intense for some of you, keep going with me here).
If you’ve read this far, I sense that you are possibly on the brink of a spiritual awakening as well and have come to realize that alcohol has no place on the path.
So, if this resonates with you, let me share some characteristics of a spiritual awakening and why it might be fueling your desire to quit drinking:
- A feeling of disconnection/differentness from friends and family
- An increasing discontent with mundane social activities and small talk
- An awareness that you see the world differently from those around you (though you’ve been trying desperately to fit in and be “normal”)
- A sense of knowing that you are meant for something more
- A strong desire to go inward, to be alone
- Increased sensitivity to drama and pettiness
- A desire to meet and embrace your authentic self
- A newfound sense of openness to ideas and mindsets that you once brushed off as “out there”
- An anticipated grief over the loss of who you were, the version you worked so hard to manufacture
- A suspicion that your relationship with alcohol is blocking you from something important
Essentially, what happens during a spiritual awakening is an internal desire for an energetic upgrade. As you can see from the examples above, it’s as if your body and mind simply stop being attracted to and tolerant of the mundane (which doesn’t mean we should avoid them altogether, but rather invest more energy in the activities that fill us up).
This is not about whether it is “right” or “wrong” to drink. It is about if alcohol is serving you or blocking you. In my experience, alcohol is always an energetic block — it keeps you from a clear connection to your intuition and higher consciousness.
What’s more, we typically use alcohol to keep us playing small. We use it to avoid addressing past wounds that are always uncomfortable to look at. As we awaken spiritually, we stop carrying weight that is no longer ours to bear.
Shedding this weight allows us to step more fully into whatever we are called to do. This doesn’t mean you have to do “holy work”. But is is likely that you might be called to a field of service, education or even something rooted in metaphysics, healing, or lightwork.
In my experience, no one gets the desire to give up alcohol completely at random. Although it can certainly feel this way until you go on search of a deeper explanation. There is always an underlying yearning for something more, a subconscious desire to heal, and a sense that something bigger exists and is available.
If you’re experiencing this right now, I encourage you to lean into the sense of knowing that there is something bigger and better in store for you. Dare to explore your relationship with alcohol and ask if it might be holding you back from deep spiritual growth that is available to you.
If you’re interested in learning more about alcohol-free living & pursuing your authentic truth, connect with me on Instagram or download my Guide to Finding Your Authentic Self here.