About four years ago, I found myself wondering if there was something more to life than the mundane hamster wheel I was stuck in. Don’t get me wrong, I had it pretty good. I was successful by all observation. I had an active social life, a roof over my head. I was in good shape and good health. Yet, it felt like something was missing…and all of my peers seemed utterly unaware (which made me question the feeling even more; shouldn’t I just be satisfied?). I wasn’t depressed, yet I wasn’t entirely happy.
Around this time, I started being drawn to older, wiser mentors. Once a week, I’d sneak away to sit in a Reiki circle with my massage therapist who’d insisted I join. He knowingly sat with me after sessions to talk and recommended I read Dr. Wayne Dyer’s The Power of Intention. He said the book had changed his life. It took me months to digest the book as all of the concepts it taught were new to me, a small-town girl from the Midwest (I’ve since re-read it many times).
I visited a shaman and learned about animal totems and spirit guides and crystals and the Archangels. To be honest, I had no idea what most of it meant, but I was fascinated by these individuals who chose to do life differently. Even though I didn’t know if I fully embraced everything they believed in, whatever they were doing was working. They seemed to approach their day with a sense of ease, as though little could bother them.
I started watching Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday where I was turned on to my teacher Gabrielle Bernstein. I read her book, Spirit Junkie, and wondered if I too might come to live a spiritual life where miracles were readily available to me.
All the while, I clung tightly to the lifestyle society had told me was normal. I busted my ass for a job that (while I have so much appreciation for), was no longer where I needed to be. Come Friday night, I prepared myself for the social scene where I’d be stuck on a never-ending cycle of drink/detox/drink/detox. I spent my weekends feeling sulky, unmotivated, and heavy. More and more often, I started to wonder, “Is this all life is?”